Lee Ho-Seon Warns Parents’ Repeated Put-Downs Can Become Gaslighting

Counselor Lee Ho-Seon warned that even a single careless word from a parent, if repeated, can become gaslighting that destroys a child's judgment and self-esteem. On the 30th, the tvN STORY program 'Lee Ho-Seon Counseling Center' addressed the theme of 'gaslighting,' covering the linguistic characteristics of perpetrators, the psychological traits of victims, and specific coping strategies.

Lee Ho-Seon defined gaslighting as "emotional abuse that systematically distorts another person's thoughts, emotions, and judgment, making them doubt themselves." She explained that gaslighting within a family is particularly dangerous because the victim is more likely to lose their sense of autonomy.

The Danger of Repetitive Phrases Like "You're Just Being Sensitive"

According to the broadcast, perpetrators justify their dominance using a frame such as, "As a guardian, I am bearing your shortcomings." In this process, they repeat phrases like "That never happened," "You saw it wrong," "You're being too sensitive," "Other people say otherwise," and "You are the problem."

Lee Ho-Seon stated that if one continuously hears three or more of these expressions, they should suspect gaslighting. Examples of typical gaslighting presented included parents forcing roles on children, such as saying, "You're the eldest son, so take responsibility," or belittling their intelligence by saying, "What do you know?"

The 'Nice Person Complex' as a Target

Types of people vulnerable to gaslighting were also mentioned. Those with a 'nice person complex,' those with high abilities but weak self-assertion, and those who frequently doubt themselves can be easily shaken by another's distorted claims.

In particular, those with personalities that struggle to say no are more likely to be exposed to gaslighting. Lee Ho-Seon emphasized that recognizing one's own personality traits is the first step in defense.

"You Must Trust Your Own Senses": Realistic Coping Methods

A real-life case was revealed involving a woman who heard from her mother during her childhood, "It seems you can't understand because you're not smart." Lee Ho-Seon diagnosed this as "typical parental gaslighting."

To an audience member who smiled while talking about a painful experience during counseling, Lee Ho-Seon pointed out that "If it were me, I would have stopped laughing or cried, or otherwise felt angry," noting that unconditional kindness can prevent one from protecting themselves.

To protect oneself from gaslighting, Lee Ho-Seon advised, "Trust your own senses and do not ignore the signals of unfairness." She added that if necessary, one should secure objectivity by verifying the situation through a third party and should protect oneself by establishing rational boundaries.